


iced coffee sluts

by seonweonsonyeondan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M, Masturbation, Verbal Humiliation, but only slightly - Freeform, doyoung is a savage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 19:25:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15150173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonweonsonyeondan/pseuds/seonweonsonyeondan
Summary: “Can I get a double shot, iced Americano?” Jaehyun needs the caffeine. He can just dump, like, 5 sugar packets into it and it’ll be fine.“That’s disgusting,” the same voice from behind him says. Jaehyun and the barista stare at each other, eyes wide. “Why would you ever ice an Americano and then add two shots on top that?”





	iced coffee sluts

**Author's Note:**

> blame minhyukwithagun for this

Jaehyun would be the first to admit that he is a moron.

Well, moron might be too harsh a term for him. He’s very smart. But his enthusiasm is proportionally related to his interest and it’s very hard to hold his interest for anything longer th--

Oh, aaa-and we’ve lost him.

Which is why Jaehyun finds himself so often in this coffee shop. He’s been awake since 3am and working since 4. He meant to stick to his schedule, so meticulously planned and laid out so that this exact situation would not happen. It’s barely past 7am now and the beginnings of the morning rush are starting to form a long line to the counter.

Jaehyun fiddles with the straps of his backpack, feeling small next to the people in suits. It’s not that he’s short--he’s just a grad student who still dresses like he’s 18. His backpack is heavy and bulging with his laptop and books. Sweat is already starting to form in the small of his back and where his bag sits on his shoulders. He knows he may look cute, but Jaehyun regrets the red sweater he chose this morning. A few of the suits had sweat beading along their hairlines.

He does a quick scan of the coffee shop. His usual table in the corner is currently empty and he has about 6 people in front of him. Most of them look like they’ll get their coffee and immediately leave, so there’s slim hope for his productivity. The line moves slowly forward and finally Jaehyun finds himself at the front of the line. The barista in front of him regards him with a war-tested customer service smile and asks, “What can I get for you?”

“Uhhhh, yeah,” Jaehyun panics and scans the board above the counter. Why didn’t he figure out what he wanted before now? He had the time. Jaehyun gives the barista a panicked smile. “Uhhhhh, a breakfast burrito?”

“Alrighty, a breakfast burrito.” They key in Jaehyun’s order and look back at Jaehyun. “Would you like something to drink as well?”

“Uhm, yes. Yes, I would like a drink. Uhm, I would like to drink………”

“Oh for fucks’ sake,” Jaehyun hears from behind him. He blushes; he can feel his smile start to waver towards terrified.

“Can I get a double shot, iced Americano?” Jaehyun needs the caffeine. He can just dump, like, 5 sugar packets into it and it’ll be fine.

“That’s disgusting,” the same voice from behind him says. Jaehyun and the barista stare at each other, eyes wide. “Why would you _ever_ ice an Americano and _then_ add two shots on top that?”

“Uhm, is…that all?” the barista asks. Jaehyun nods and digs into his pockets to pull out some crumpled bills. He drops them onto the counter.

“Don’t you _love_ yourself? How can you drink that?” Jaehyun sighs and swings around to the voice, curt retort on his tongue. He is _much_ too tired for this kind of judgement. But when he faces the person who owns the frankly unnecessary opinions, Jaehyun’s tongue shrivels up.

The man behind him is about the same height as Jaehyun, but while Jaehyun would say he’s attractive, this man. This man is on a whole other level. His eyes are sharp, and even with the very obvious judgement, Jaehyun thinks they’re beautiful. His mouth is small and plump and delicate. Mouths could be delicate, right? Jaehyun snaps his mouth shut and shakes his head, remembering how rude this man had been literally 30 seconds ago.

“Listen, dude,” Jaehyun croaks, “I’m not going to make you drink the coffee, alright? Like, is this even any of your business?”

“It’s my business when someone is killing both their stomach lining and their taste buds.” The man stops and Jaehyun watches as his eyes roam over his body. “Though, frankly, it’s clear you don’t have much taste to begin with.”

“Hey!”

“Uhm, can I help whoever’s next?” The barista still has their customer-service smile plastered onto their face. Jaehyun sheepishly makes his way over to the table before making his way back to the counter to grab his burrito and iced coffee. He sits down at his table and strips off his sweater. Jaehyun tries to hide behind his laptop screen. His laptop has barely finished rebooting when a glass of iced coffee lands in front of him. The man from before sits down across from him, identical iced coffee in his hands. His lips delicately wrap around the straw and raises an eyebrow, expectant.

“Uh, I don’t need another coffee…” Jaehyun slowly pushes the glass back towards the man. The man puts a hand up, halting Jaehyun’s movement.

“You do. Try that and then try your over sweetened concoction.” He nods at Jaehyun’s neglected iced coffee. “Caffeine won’t fix those dark circles though. Unless it’s in an eye cream. I know of a good one if you’re open to suggestions.”

“Open to su--? Listen! Just-- Just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you can treat me like this! My stomach lining is, is, none of your business,” Jaehyun sputters, trying to keep his voice down. The baristas are staring still and a couple of the other patrons are watching as well. The man has the decency to look embarrassed, but it’s fleeting. Jaehyun grabs an iced coffee and takes a drink, ready to defend his honor. But it’s not the double shot, iced Americano that he dumped three packets of sugar into. It’s whatever beautiful iced coffee the rude, but pretty, man ordered. The thought of spitting it in the other man’s face crosses his mind, but that would be a waste. A waste of whatever nectar this was. So instead Jaehyun hisses, “The fuck is this?”

He smugly leans back in his chair and taps a manicured ( _manicured?_ Is this guy a member of the Fab 5?) nail on the rim of the glass. “Cold brew. Same amount of caffeine, if not more, as your science experiment.”

“I didn’t know they--they made this.” Jaehyun stares at the glass, feeling deeply betrayed.

“Well, clearly.” The man takes another sip. “It’s cheaper than your order too.” There’s another judgemental scan over Jaehyun. The man grabs a napkin and scribbles something down. He folds the napkin and slides it across the table to Jaehyun. “Listen, what’s your name?”

“Uh, it’s Jaehyun.”

“Well, Jaehyun. You clearly need help. I’d like for your stomach lining to very much be my business.” The man leans back and gestures to the napkin. “That’s my number. If you decide you want, you know, a pretty man to tell you how to be better.”

Jaehyun stares at the napkin, uncertain if this was a joke or not. “Is this, like, a joke? Or--I have no idea honestly.”

“It’s not a joke.” The man stands up and brushes off his somehow unwrinkled slacks. He retucks the front of his shirt and Jaehyun is now positive this man must be in the running to be a future cast member of _Queer Eye_. “I’d like to make your health and general well-being my business. If you’d like. Possibly other parts of you need some attention.”

Is this guy hitting on Jaehyun? After ridiculing him? Is this what negging is? Why is he falling for it? “Uh, thank…you? I guess? Maybe?”

The man nods and does another pass over his slacks. “I’m very good at what I do, Jaehyun. I have _many_ talents, especially in helping people, uh, _feel_ good. I hope you’ll consider my frankly charitable offer.” He taps the table twice and nods, this time like he was trying to reassure himself. His gaze doesn’t leave Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun usually feels uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact, but the man’s gaze feels the way Jaehyun associates with sexy time. He shifts, pants feeling tight.

“Are--What is happening right now.” Jaehyun turns away, face red. He rubs his cheeks, confused. “Are you like, trying to neg me into a, a date? Or. Or something?”

“I don’t know.” The man swings a leather briefcase over his shoulder and regards Jaehyun again. “Do you _want_ an invitation to my pants’?”

“I--” Jaehyun opens then closes his mouth. He’s, apparently, very much an idiot who falls for pretty people being assholes. And he is surprised to find that he very much would like an invitation to this rude man’s pants.

Jaehyun has a lot of things to think over.

At the top of the list is whether or not the pretty, rude man will maybe let him suck his dick in the coffee shop bathroom. But that seems too forward. And he doesn’t know the man’s name.

“I have to go now,” the man says. “Other poor fools to help and all that. But genuinely, I’d like to get to know you better. Maybe let you check out my pants up closer, since you keep staring at them.”

“Oh god,” Jaehyun mutters. His hands cover his face before he jerks back and points at the man, already walking away. “His name!”

Jaehyun watches the well dressed ass walk out the door and sighs. Well, he may not know the pretty and rude man’s name, but he _does_ have his number. It’s a start, Jaehyun thinks. He fiddles with the napkin as he tries to refocus on the work he came here to do. Right. Statistics. That’s what he’s supposed to be working on.

What’s the probability that Pretty Man will actually let Jaehyun into his pants? Jaehyun lists the known factors:

  1. Pretty and Rude’s coffee order has truly changed Jaehyun’s life
  2. Pretty and Rude gave Jaehyun his number
  3. He is Very Pretty
  4. Also Very Rude
  5. Jaehyun now has a boner and it won’t go away



Jaehyun puts his odds at about a 60% chance of success of a sexy trist with Pretty and Rude Man, 30% chance of being late with his paper, and 10% chance of absolute failure on both fronts. Well, probably more like 80% chance of being late with his paper due to the confusingly arousing nature of the Pretty Man’s insults.

He shakes his head and opens up his assignment. He lays out all his relevant books, sorts his pens, sips on some iced coffee. Oh, dear, that was the wrong iced coffee. By now his burrito has gone cold, but Jaehyun’s no bitch. That and he’s still too embarrassed and confused about his boner to stand up.

Jaehyun tries to write up his report. He tells himself if he can get 500 words in he can look at Pretty Man’s number. If he gets to 1000 words, Jaehyun will text him. Text him and tell him how _dare_ he insult Jaehyun’s carefully constructed blasé presentation. Doesn’t he realize he is a grad student? Jaehyun is busy learning and breaking ground in ways Pretty Man would never understand! Very important business, yeah, much more important than iced coffee orders and nice pants and butts and maybe Jaehyun can tell him all this while he--

Jaehyun is not a moron. But his attention span is directly linked to his interest. And his interest at this moment is very much piqued by seducing the man whose insults made Jaehyun turn to goo.

Jaehyun didn’t slave five years in undergraduate and his Masters to fail this report because of-of some _guy_. His degree is fully funded! Fully. Funded. Jaehyun reminds himself of all this as he stares at the napkin. He briefly hopes it’ll burst into flames while hoping maybe the owner of the number it contains will wander back in.

Jaehyun tries to not think about telling off Pretty Man. Tries not to imagine what it’d be like to put him in his place, on his knees, scuffing up those pristine shoes. Valiantly does _not_ wonder if even with a dick in his mouth, would Pretty Man still find some way of insulting Jaehyun? Why is that so _hot_ to him?

Jaehyun glances around the cafe. It’s quiet now. Most of the baristas are on their phones and the other patrons are too enthralled in their lives to notice Jaehyun stand up, napkin in hand. He quickly makes his way to the counter and gently taps on the counter. The barista from earlier walks up and gives Jaehyun the same smile. Jaehyun coughs and smiles awkwardly before asking, “Uhm, hi. Could, uh, could I get the bathroom key? And like, make sure no one steals my shit?”

“Sure,” they say, dropping a key into his palm, “but no promises I won’t pawn off your laptop.”

“I’d prefer you didn’t but if you do, can we split the profits?”

“Seems reasonable. Enjoy your coffee poop, bro.”

Jaehyun nods and scuttles into the single stall bathroom and firmly locks the door behind him. He tells himself he’s in there to poop and assess the boner situation. He tells himself that he’ll splash his face with cold water before going back to his table. He places the napkin on the edge of the sink.

Jaehyun can’t stop thinking about the smug look on Pretty Man’s face. His traitorous dick throbs a little, imagining Pretty Man telling Jaehyun off for not using lotion. Jaehyun can’t take this anymore. Without another thought he grabs the napkin and unfolds it. As promised, Pretty Man’s number is there along with a note:

> _Doyoung: 650-555-0296_ _  
>  _ _Ps: invest in a concealer_

Jaehyun crumples the napkin in his hand, grumbling to himself. “Doyoung, huh? Who does this Doyoung think he is? Telling me I should get concealer. I don’t need concealer! _He_ needs concealer--for his bad _attitude_ .” Jaehyun chuckles, mindlessly palming himself through his jeans. The friction feels nice. God, how long has it been since Jaehyun’s been attracted to someone? That must be why he’s reacting so strongly to _Doyoung’s_ dumbass negging.

God, get a grip, Jaehyun’s dick.

He unzips his jeans and takes his annoying dick into his hand and begins stroking. Just a quick jerk and he’ll be able to focus again. Just a little indulgence because of a pretty stranger and then Jaehyun can totally forget this ever happened. Except for the iced coffee order. Jaehyun’s going to memorize that and only order it from now on.

He grips the side of the sink with one hand, further crumpling the napkin. He strokes fast, pouting as he focuses on getting off as quickly as possible. Jaehyun thinks of his go to fantasy: someone pretty beneath him, begging him for more, breathless moans because of him. But this fantasy only takes him so far. He gets himself so close to the edge, but it’s not until the fantasy shifts that he’s able to finish.

It starts with Doyoung’s voice criticizing his technique: _“Exactly who do you think you’re getting off, spasming like that?”_

Then Doyoung’s form replaces the amorphous person beneath him. His face is unimpressed, like he’s challenging Jaehyun to do better. _“You call_ this _a dicking, Jaehyun? Look, my dick’s going soft.”_

Jaehyun grunts, surprising himself with how much he likes that. Surprises himself further when he realizes he’s imagining himself beneath Doyoung. Doyoung whispers in Jaehyun’s ear, _“Let me show you how it’s done.”_

That’s what pushes Jaehyun over the edge, cumming all over his hand and the sink. He blinks tears and sweat out of his eyes. He cleans himself up, wiping his hand on the first available surface. He washes off the rest of his spunk in the sink and wipes it down, silently apologizing to the poor soul who’s destined to clean the bathroom at the end of the day. He tosses his used napkin into the trash. Jaehyun quickly spritzes the bathroom with their poop masker.

Jaehyun gets ready to face the cafe again, hoping no one realized what he was up to. He searches the bathroom for the napkin. He freezes when it dawns on him. He used the napkin to clean himself up. Jaehyun _cleaned_ himself with Doyoung’s number.

Jaehyun is a moron.

He steels himself and opens the trash and finds the spunk covered napkin. He peels it open, grimacing when it squelches. There’s a pit at the bottom of his stomach as he opens it further and further to reveal a smudged number. Jaehyun can’t just stuff this into his pocket.

“Jaehyun you absolute moron,” he mutters as he pulls his phone from his pocket. Jaehyun quickly types in the numbers as best he can and hopes that it’s still the right number. He tosses the disgusting napkin back into the trash and smoothes out his hair. Jaehyun’s cheeks are still flushed, but he can just write that off as an intense pooping session.

“Did you enjoy your coffee poop?” the barista asks when Jaehyun hands them the bathroom key. “Does it need an industrial strength cleaning? You were in there for a while. I pawned your laptop off like 20 minutes ago.”

“Yeah, I’d recommend not letting anyone use the bathroom for a good 15 minutes more.” Jaehyun looks back over to his table, laptop still there, regardless of the threat made. “And uh, could I get a cold brew?”

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/swsonyeondan) or [tumblr](http://seonweon-sonyeondan.tumblr.com/ask)


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